My teen feels rejected by classmates. Parental Help!?

My teen feels totally adrift from the other children in her classroom. She goes to a smaller school so their is really no option to "spread her roots". She feels (and I see) that the children in her class don't accept her.


She is a bright kid, and a straight shooter. She does not like to deal with the "Omigawd" concept as some call it.


Today all of the children in her class were invited to go see a movie together, (right in front of her) and she was denied of even regocnition by the other children


She has never had a best friend, but she is a sociable child. We don't shelter her (to an extent as a parent, of course) and she is such a good kid.


I don't know what to do!!!!


Help!!!

My teen feels rejected by classmates. Parental Help!?
well she is probably acting weird around kids since she never had a bestfriend just tell her to act herself and dont worry about kids that dont like her and maybe shell find a friend that is the same as her
Reply:Perhaps you could see if there are group activites in your community that arent associated with the school? I went to a fairly large school myself and I know that without the Band and other such group activities I never would have made friends. I was just too shy to talk to people without the reassurance of obvious shared interests. Our local community centers offer "classes" in art, dancing, and other fun things that might be of interest. Yours probably do too. I also made tons of friends when I took Tae Kwon Do in middle school. See if she wants to sign up for something like that. It might help her to find people who are more in tune with her interests...and who havent known her her whole life. Good Luck!
Reply:I too lived this life during my school days, continue to let her know that you love her, that being part of the "crowd" isn't always where it is, remind her that being different and adrift is okay, we all don't think alike. Let her know that while this time in her life is hard, it will get easier and better, believe me, I know that because I wasn't part of the "crowd", I am still alive, many who started with me are not still here with me. God Bless.
Reply:tell her not to worry u don't go to school to make friends u go for your education
Reply:Ok, I went to Catholic school to, I am in 8th grade, almost done yay! There is this one new girl we hate cuz she is so fake, she stole all of our friends, and is just a disgrace. I hate her so much, but she is really nice, seems like the talk-about-behind-your-back-type. She dated my cousin and she didn't even like him, she just led him on and such. So let your kid be herself. Kids are LOSERS believe that, a lot need a lot of growing up to do, but she seems nice. Let her transfer schools, seriously, the one girl was in my class from kindergarten, she left in the middle of 8th grade, she only had a half of year to finish up the school and goto highschool with my class, but she was being picked on and such. Now she is happy in another Catholic school, a few miles away in the same Diocese. Se was more accpeted by the kids there.
Reply:For a while at my new school, I felt the same way. My classmates would simply ignore me and I felt like an outsider. The way to fix this, I found, was simply to join in. I found that sometimes shyness can me misconstrued as being stuck up, and being intelligent can also be viewed as stuck up, or egocentric. Maybe your teen should just join in on conversations and talk about stuff she knows. If she joined in on her own, without being too pushy, they will probably be a little shocked at first, but as they get to know her, will welcome her and she will make friends in no time!





Just make sure that she does not take refuge in teachers. It may seem to you that this is a good thing, but to other classmates, it just makes the teen seem like they are too good for the other classmates and they are a "nerd" and it makes the fact that the teen has no friends more obvious.
Reply:OH!!!!!! The memories... I know how your daughter feels. I really REALLY do. Wow! Ok. Well... I would try to get your daughter to open up a little bit by putting into some kind of dance class or art class. Sport are a great way to meet friends (even best friends) and find out that you have things in common with other kids your own age. Also.... Karate is an awesome way to boost self-esteem. I wouldn't "push" her into anything but... those may be great ways for other kids to see that they have something in common with her and open them up to talk with her and inviting her places with them.


Kids can be so cruel and it seems like things just get worse and worse.


I hope that this helps.


P.S. Sometimes even youth groups in your local churches are great ways to meet other kids and meet "best friends".
Reply:I completely understand where your daughter is coming from! I am so sorry that she is treated so harshly because she isn't shallow and believes that there is more to life than fashion and boyfriends. GOOD FOR HER for being such a "straight shooter"!!!! You did GREAT, Ma!





As for her not feeling accepted, what about volunteer work on weekends with mentally disabled kids or something like that? It will help her use her social skills and be a positive influence on kids who really have issues with acceptance. Idk. Just a suggestion.





Blessings, and keep up the good work!!!!
Reply:It is often much harder to fit in when you attend a small school. In the larger schools, the students generally have a greater diversity of interests, styles, capabilities, etc., and it is easier to find someone with whom you have something in common.





That said, here are some of the reasons a kid is not accepted into the fold:





Is your daughter's style of dress very different from that of her classmates? I know it shouldn't matter what people wear, but at this age (unfortunately) it does matter very much.





Is your daughter especially beautiful? There is often a huge amount of jealousy among girls this age.





On the opposite side of the coin, is she morbidly obese? Does she have disfiguring acne? (not just a few pimples...I'm talking about the big cysts and scars).





When you say she is "bright," does she flaunt her knowledge? Talk about things that normally don't interest other teenagers?





Is she in a completely different socioeconomic category than her classmates? In other words, is your family significantly more or less affluent than the families of her classmates?





Is your daughter of a different racial profile than that of her classmates?





I don't know whether any of these things fit your situation, and of course almost all of them are beyond your daughter's control. But I can tell you that all she needs to be content is one good friend, not a whole group. If she has any particular interests (or sports, perhaps, in which she participates) it might be worth trying to encourage a friendship from among that group of kids, rather than her school mates.





Hope this works out somehow. She sounds like a good kid.
Reply:Move her to a bigger school where she will have more friends. Or see if she can switch classes.